June 14, 2011

June 14, 2011... You're not mine after all.

I still can't believe you're gone. After those couple of days I stayed with you, I finally realized and found out that I wasn't loved... That you didn't want to love me anymore. I couldn't believe that all you did was pitied me and felt sorry for me that's why you let me stay. I'm such a fool. My heart is shattered and will never be put back into whole because you broke it into million of particles and I never want to pick it back up. I'm so hurt and I have no one to turn to because everyone is just fake. Even you, turned out to be faked because you pretended you loved me. If it hurt you that bad to had loved me those couple days I sacrificed for you, I wouldn't had stayed. But I wanted to, I chose to, although I was so hurt, I still wanted to be with you. I'm such a fool to had ever let you used me like that... Our dreams are broken and nothing now. These memories I have left of you, they will never go away. I'm sorry if all I ever did was hurt you when we were together, I'm so sorry Jon. I'm sure you won't regret everything but I'm sure... I'm sure that you'll miss it. Because I know that I will always remember and miss you, love you forever. I know it's ridiculous and we'll never be again, but I just want you to be happy, don't be sad, eat a lot, exercise and live your life without stress and drama free. I'm sorry if all I ever did was hold you back and was desperate for you, I love you so much. I can do just so much, until the part where I'm useless and you want me to disappear from your life. I will, don't worry... I'm starting to accept the fact about you and me.

One last I love you baby, forever, there will be no end.


April 21, 2009- June 14, 2011; 2 years is hard to throw away, but I will manage.

Yours truly, Kanoo

Falling Again

  And my heart is falling again. I have nothing less, nothing more. I'm just letting myself fall without helping to prevent it. Why? Because, Time has been done. Love is done. But what is love? Someone tell me, because I forfeit love. People fall in love, fall out of love, fall in love, and fall out of love... Then after all, we'll finally realize what love is. This man, he's done a lot. But I find him nothing more for just granted. I fell too deep, tripped too low that I couldn't get back up... Because all there was in front of me was Him. I love him so much, I really do. As time passed, time resulted... Arguments, what else? Fights after fights. I'm always misunderstood, why? Am I always in this situation? I hate myself. I hate myself for always putting myself in this situation. Maybe, I'm done. Maybe, I should be over this love already.

Hurt

Hm, It's been awhile since I've written in here.



(shrugs) Let's see... my heart's ok. Just okay at the moment. What does this mean? If he tells you if he knew that all these things was going to happen in a year, he wouldn't had talked to me. So... I guess, in honesty, He didn't want to be with me... really. Then that means, I'm a burden to him. He's visiting me for the weekend, and says he's only here because of his cousin, so he didn't want to be here. ): That hurted my feelings. I see how it is. I really doubt us now. 1 year & 6 months, it was just all a waste for now.

Better.

My heart lately, it's been alright. My boyfriend and I just recently got engaged. I'm thankful and glad that we're doing better. Just this past September 21st, was our 1 Year & 5 Months. (: Beautiful memories we have and more to make... Ahhh, Well, there's nothing much at the moment.